After a year plus of our fair share of joy, laughter, tears and heartache, the chapter is closed - We decided not to pursue any further. Guess I have hurt him too much with my tantrums and dilemma to the extent he is not able to love me anymore.
Though we reconciled 2 weeks back, things were no longer the same anymore - Phonecalls, emails and SMSes were kept to the bare minimum. He no addressed me "Baby". He didn't care that I went to Vino Vino for the wine buffet (and got knocked out afterwards) Even his specialty dishes of cabbage rice and vinegar chicken wings, which he loved to cook for me, lacked lustre. He didn't even want to share his problems with me. From these, I knew it. Things were no longer the same, and would not be the same anymore. Regardless how much I wanted to avoid facing the cold hard truth, I had to face it..sooner or later.
I couldn't sleep the whole night yesterday. I had been thinking of how we were so happy together despite the occasional hiccups, how rowdy we could be in gatherings (Yes, we were the livewires), how things went wrong (Yes, my fault for not being decisive enough) and what I could do to be a better person (Crap, in short, how to salvage the whole situation which was falling off bits and pieces) I decided to do anything just to make things work, provided he was willing (Yes, that was the first step, to find out if he still loved me)
Sending SMSes to him had become a challenge. He used to cringe and rebutted adoringly at my nonsensical SMSes which included "I hate you to the core" and "I want to leave", but now no. Anyway, I needed to face the truth. I needed to know if he still loved me - I gathered my courage and texted him - "Should I continue to pursue or give up?" His reply came almost instaneously - "I think we better remained as good friends as you mentioned. My threshold has been breached" (Ha! What more can I say? Love has died and nothing can make it come back) My final reply to him was "Fair enough, I will not pursue anymore. The love was just not strong enough to withstand problems. I will disappear from your life". Oh yes, I was shattered by the way, but what could I do? He didn't know that he was that important to me and that I was prepared to be with him for the rest of my life. Anyway, I always believe that it's meaningless to persuade and convince the other party for acceptance when love dies. No matter how painful it is for me to let it go, I have to let it go : / (Never in my life did I expect this happen. Never. I thought he would always be there for me. Unconditionally.)
Goodbye King Kong, you know I once loved you. You know I was even ready to be your bride. Everything has turned into ashes of memories now because of your inability to forgive and forget. You will always be in my heart. I will miss you very much.
